Tuesday, May 21, 2013

As I drink my coffee before the chaos of after school starts my heart aches.  My oldest is in third grade.  The same age as those sweet babies in Oklahoma.  Those sweet children who went to what they thought was a safe place. They got up and got ready for school like any other day.  Almost finished with the school year. Excited for summer vacations. Probably day dreaming outside about all the things they would do when they got home from school.
The moms or dads preparing for the after school chaos just like I am and then disaster hits. Something nobody could change or control. No gun control laws or political agendas could be blamed.  A person could be looked at to be angry with.  Parents couldn't be criticized for raising a bad person.  School officials couldn't be scolded for my having proper security.
No outlet for anger or sadness. I'm sure those things don't make losing a child any better or any easier. But when you feel like things are so out of yours or anyone else's control the frustration seems so much greater.
I watched the news for all of 5 minutes last night.  I was scrolling through Facebook and saw all these people praying for Oklahoma.  I hadn't heard anything bc I was complaining that my child wouldn't nap or that my girls wouldn't stop fighting.  While I was complaining about the mundane annoyances of being a mom another mom was praying that a miracle would happen. That they would find that son or daughter.  While I was wishing to be alone moms were sobbing and praying that they could hear the voice of their child.
I wept while watching the news reporter talk to people.  He was teary eyes and somber.  Visibly shaken and upset.  I was immediately confronted by my selfishness.  My awful forgetfulness about how blessed I am to have my sweet girls.  How I need to cherish all these moments.  I will not live in fear of a disaster or of sickness but I will be more aware of the specialness of my job.  The great responsibility that God has given me to take care of these girls.
So today I will hug my girls more. I all kiss them more. I will be slower to anger.
My heart breaks and my prayers go out to God for these families

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