There are these moments in my life lately when I am super aware of how inadequate I am. How I fail daily at so many things. I am not the mother or wife that I should be. I forget to give my daughter her violin for school and forget to make dentist appointments and physicals. The laundry is overwhelming and the floors have so many crumbs on them they are forming a carpet on my wood floors.
I am not always super aware of these things. Most days I can push through, but lately my eyes have been opened to the impact I have on my children. How my shortcomings directly effect these girls. I set the mood and the path on a daily basis in my home.
I am often awake in my bed at night thinking of all the ways I could have done things different. I could have been kinder or more patient. I could have played more instead of doing....whatever I was doing. These moment haunt me at night. They circle around my brain on an endless loop.
In these moments I am not aware of grace and mercy. The newness of the morning is sooooo far away. But I am hopeful. Because like the night before it closed that day. This night is closing this day. I cannot change what happen today. I can only change what happens tomorrow. Make better choices. Show more love and compassion and patience. So my thoughts have changed from thoughts of despair to thoughts of longing for the new day. For the tiredness to take over my brain and fall asleep.
. "Tomorrow is a new day fresh with no mistakes" - Anne of green gables