I was never a popular girl at any age. I had maybe one or two close friends at any given time. I always longed to have the phone ring on a saturday and have a friend call and ask to play. It always seemed I was the one calling friends.
I never knew what was "wrong" with me. Why girls never picked me for the games or they always made fun of me for things I would say.
In elementary school the feeling of being alone brought me to do things like lie about things I did on the weekends or who I knew. Silly things but i thought it would help me to fit in.
As I got older the insecurities became so strong that the thoughts of being a weirdo or a loser haunted me. I don't know if it was that I wanted to fit in or if it was that I really just wanted to have friends.
I knew I didn't want to do the things some people were doing, but yet I found myself doing them.
I changed my clothes my hair my weight. Nothing seemed to make a difference. People just didn't seem to like me.
This was how I felt the majority of my school life.
Now having 3 girls my fears of this happening to them started the moment my first daughter was born.
Will people see how wonderful she is? Will they like her? Will they make fun of her for her glasses or her overbite?
It's crazy to put my fears on my daughters so I try hard not to mention it. I always say if someone is mean to you you walk away. you don't need to be friends with people like that!
But when your daughter comes home and says she doesn't play with any girls at school my heart can't help but break. When little girls don't include her in the silly games they play it makes me want to take her and move to another country.
I know my children are far from perfect but I have tried very hard to teach my girls to include everyone to be kind to everyone. I have tried hard to teach them to stand up for people who are being made fun of. If you see someone by themselves make sure you include them.
I have seen my oldest do this many times. Mothers have come up to me and said that they are so thankful that she included the children.
I know that things will all work out and my children will be ok. I know that because God has promised me that. But I do wish I could spare the heartache. I know that is every mothers wish and prayer.
I pray my children will be confident in who they are. That nobody will be able to shake them or discourage them. I pray that they will find friends that they can trust and cling to when they are down. Friends that will be positive and loyal. I pray that they will rise above the silliness and continue to stand for what they know is right and have the strength to not let these silly girls hurt them.