I'm sitting here listening to my baby scream herself to sleep wondering if it is really "good for her". She rarely cry's, so when she does it breaks me and I usually don't let it last long.
Being a mother is hard!!!! (understatement) I am realizing everyday just how selfish I really am. How I tend to put my desires in front of my children's. How my desire for peace sometimes makes things crazier!
The days when I accept the craziness and the messiness are the days when I have the most patience and joy.
She is slowly falling asleep. Something she has been fighting for an hour (not in her bed). Her screams get further and further apart. Her cry turns into a whimper.
And as i write this I realize how much I am like my six month old baby. The fight I put up to walk the walk God has called me to. My desire to do something of my own.
It started out as a scream when Callie was born. A desperation for something else, something different. My cry's were so loud and strong.
Slowly it turned into a whimper. A scream every now and then. God giving me a gentle hug along the way. Letting me feel his presence and hear his calming voice. "its ok. shhh....shh. Im here"
The words I use when i pick my baby up to hug her and calm her down.
I hear her breathing now more than her screams. The sleepiness taking over and slowly she falls asleep. When she wakes up she will once again be that happy little baby. With no memory of the "torture" I put her through. Eventually she will learn the lesson. Fall asleep peacefully and quietly on your own. She will realize its a good thing.
So as my screams turn into quiet whimpers (with a scream every now and then) to God. I look forward to the day when my lesson will be learned. When his peace will over take me. I wait for the day when i can look back and see the blessings that came from it.