When i fail to be the person i am called to be i get sick to my stomach. I am the type of person who wants to do well and i never do. I have wonderful beautiful smart children. My oldest is incredibly smart and it has nothing to do with me. She was born that way. I did nothing to push her along. Ok..well maybe i read her a few books but that was all. My middle child is funny..to a fault. She makes us laugh even when she is at her worst. My baby is cute as can be and probably the best baby in the world. Im not joking. Sleeping seven hours at night, eating well and smiling all the time. That puts her in the best baby category. And again it has NOTHING to do with what i have done.
But yet the things that i have done (example: scream like a maniac) that they have so wonderfully copied are a complete reflection on me. I hear my children talk to each other the way i speak to people. With attitude and sarcasm. Side note...Sarcasm means tearing at ones flesh. I don't want that for my children. I want them to be loving, gentle, caring people. People who have respect for other people. Women who care and have mercy.
So again today i fall down on my knees and ask forgiveness and i am lifted only by the grace that has been given to me. I am forgiven. I will forgive. I am loved so i will love
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Someone recently quoted to me, "Children are like wet cement" Yes they have the ability to pick up our bad habits, but wet cement can be re-shaped, it hasn't harden. So by God's grace we have a second chance to re-shape them more into God's image than our own. Don't be discouraged, God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "my grace is sufficeient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
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